Two weeks ago I went to this discussion for one of my classes, and at the end of it they made us hold hands with the people we were sitting next to, aka complete strangers. I had to hold hands with two complete strangers for a almost two minutes. I wanted to cry after that experience, I had no idea who these people were and to hold hands with them, I am self conscious about holding hands with anyone I know because um lets say I have sweaty palms. For me I see this as a microcosm of my whole college experience thus far, it has been unpleasant, but I am trying to endure. This post will explain my past stuck in a rut and real life posts.
Yes, I am in college, I am not really sure why I haven't told you that, but there it is. This past week I had midterms that is why I was MIA. For a while, I have wanted to share this with you all, but I just haven't been able to. After reading Jessica's 52 Random Facts, and hearing that she had a tough time in college, it finally pushed me to share what I have been going through.
For most people, college is a glorified four years that years in the future is looked upon fondly. Well, for me it has been some of my most trying years ever. College has made me feel more defeated, more lonely, and self conscious than I have ever felt before. This year I have been really shy, I have always been shy, but never to this point. Please someone help me find some self-confidence. They say once you get to college, you find out that all you previously learned isn't true. Well, college has made me feel stupid, in high school I was able to push myself through rigorous classes, but I have completely lost my drive since starting college. I used to be the kid, who would try to start my homework on Friday night. Yeah, I was THAT kid, but now I am that other kid who procrastinates like nobody's business. Seriously, if you are looking to waste time, just come to me, I sure can help you with that. College is stressful, you are supposed to decide what the heck you want to do with your life. Well, I have no idea what I want to do. I am supposed to declare a major soon, and I think I know what I am going to declare, but that is only because I am interested in it, but I don't know if that is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Obviously, I like to cook so I investigated culinary school. I applied and got in, but they wanted me to go back to being a first semester freshman. I just couldn't do it because I don't think I could emotionally handle an two years based on how difficult college has been thus far. I don't really know what else to say other than that I have been having a really difficult time in college.
Most, okay all, weekends I go home from college. I am obviously not a big partier and at school I do not have access to a kitchen, so I come home to cook. For me cooking and baking is therapeutic, it is a huge de-stresser for me. It usually lets me escape from whatever I am dealing with and use this energy to create something delicious and enjoyable. I also go home to be with my dogs. My dogs are my rock, they love me no matter what, or at least they seem to. I am way too emotionally attached to my dogs, but I don't care because I love them so darn much! I wish I could bring my dogs with me to school, but no pets in the dorm. Ugh. There is nothing like coming home from a rough day and being greeted at the door by a wagging tails and furry hugs.
Shortly after this school year started, I felt I needed some inspiration so I started to post quotes on my wall, which is where all of the above pictures are from.